


Love: Triggered

by AmberWarrior



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:33:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9091570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberWarrior/pseuds/AmberWarrior
Summary: When Gaara left Japan he didn't expect Naruto to follow him.





	

 

In the quiet of the night, Gaara padded up the stairs to his apartment door. Pausing to stretch silently, he turned the doorknob of his house, surprised to find it unlocked. Then his eyes met the interior and froze. A spiked mess of blonde hair perked from branches of the tree he was battling to upright, his cerulean eyes immediately brightening at the sight of his friend. “Gaara, you’re home! Seriously, I need your help with this thing man, I think it’s missing a leg-"

 

Gaara slammed the door shut behind him. “What the fuck are you doing?” He irritably noticed that the blonde didn’t even so much as flinch, simply tilting their head in an attempt to heighten their aura of innocence. Naruto glanced around the room. Forcing a breath, Gaara did the same and finally took into close observation the silver tinsel that lined the window, the green and red chain paper looping across the walls, santa and reindeer figurines that littered every flat bench to the point that the surface could barely be seen…and not to mention the ginormous, illuminated tree that stood proudly on two metal legs (its third replaced by a wooden stick, to Naruto’s genius), its star barely brushing the roof of the apartment.

 

“…Preparations?” Naruto suggested lightly.

Gaara sighed, throwing his bag onto the couch and sitting on the end seat that just so happened to have a cushion with a snowman print. “You’re not even Christian.” he pointed out.

“Neither is half the population of Sydney that’s currently celebrating Christmas.”

“It’s November 1st.” Gaara pressed.

“Yeah. Halloween’s over, so what’s the problem?”

“Maybe the fact that you’re subjecting me to put up with this _mess_ for two months.”

Naruto puffed out his chest in defence. “It’s never too early or late to celebrate Christmas! Besides, what’s the point of putting up a tree if it’s only going to go down in a week? Better to start early that’s what I always say-”

Gaara’s eyes were beginning to hurt at the sheer amount of colour that was not supposed to be there- “And under what pretence did you think you could go around sticking things around _my_ apartment-”

“Hey, I live here too!”

“-without my permission-”

“I am as equal a citizen in this house as you are.” the blonde shot back, flopping himself down next to Gaara on the couch to prove his point.

 

_Why was that again?_ Gaara thought hazily. His mind throbbed with all the noise and colour and the memory of the sharp, thrilling voice of the lecturer that began to seep fatigue into his muscles, briefly forgotten by the shock. He brought a hand to his head and pushed all thoughts of university and that assignment that was due in a week out of his head, trying to focus on the conversation. Like a sharp click, he remembered. “You followed me to Australia. I let you stay. Doesn’t that make you a guest?”

“Oh sure Gaara, a ‘guest’ that does the all the grocery shopping, cleans the place half the time and, oh I dunno, is a legally full-time permanent resident?”

For a second, Gaara couldn’t remember what used to be in the corner of the house where the fake pine tree now proudly stood.

“And besides,” Naruto continued. “I couldn’t leave my best bud to go live overseas without me! We know you’re as introverted and unsociable as they get, so where would ya be without me, eh?” he teased.

“A quieter place.” Gaara mumbled, feeling himself losing the battle of self-will that had kept his eyes open for last few minutes. 

 

To be honest, Gaara really didn’t care about the decorations anymore. It’s not like Naruto set the apartment on fire, which was more than he could ask for. And he would never admit it, but seeing his friend so spirited, so full of _life_ had surprised him more than the decorations. Naruto had been recently slaving over his new job as an editor and writer for Sannin Company which mainly involved of telecommuting whilst Gaara started his degree in art, focusing on film directing. He’d always liked the idea of having the power to have things under his control. It was part of the reason why he left his depression and anxiety in Japan, hoping they wouldn’t follow him. And strangely enough, it didn’t. Only the loud, energetic blonde did. Gaara couldn’t complain. With uni exams and work becoming a blur of stress and voiceless frustration, the distraction made him realise just how tired he really was and before he knew it, he closed his eyes.

 

Naruto huffed, “If you want me to believe that then at least say it like you believe it too. But seriously, you’re too stressed nowadays, I swear. Thought some festivity outta cheer you up…” No sarcastic comment. “Gaara?”

The man’s breath was beginning to even out, barely registering the sound of Naruto’s voice as he tried to ignore the fairy lights that cast spots of white into his eyelids. Feeling an unconscious pull towards the warmth on his right, he felt his mind falling into darkness…just as his body fell lightly to lean against Naruto’s side, his head lolling forward.

 

Naruto’s heart beat faster in surprise, noting the acute heaviness of his friend despite the way they always seemed to walk so lightly, gracefully. A pang of empathy and affection coursed through him, and he fought the urge to run his hand through Gaara’s dark red bangs. From this close he could almost count every strand, though he wasn’t sure why that would be of any importance. Sighing, he leaned back against his friend for a couple minutes longer, relishing the sense of close comfort, before prying off him and going to turn off the all lights.

 

He exit the room only to come back with a thin blanket, a scentless candle and a lighter. He mechanically lit the candle, placing it on the coffee table in case Gaara woke up before the sun rose and Naruto wouldn’t be awake to calm his fears of the darkness. Leaning in to tuck the corners of the blanket behind Gaara’s shoulder, he frowned. Something was off. He pressed a finger to the crease in between his sleeping friend’s furrowed eyebrows, watching as slowly but surely Gaara’s expression began to relax into a more peaceful state.

 

Smiling, Naruto went to unfold his own futon, listening to the dull roar of the passing cars and the occasional aeroplane that flew by, letting it lull his body and mind to sleep.

 

***

 

The smell of rice and fried eggs woke Gaara from his position, groggily wondering where the blanket that was tucked into the gap between his shoulder and the sofa came from. A strong cramp of hunger reminded him he hadn’t eaten since lunch the previous day, convincing him to get up instead of sleeping longer. Wrapping the blanket around him, he shuffled towards the kitchen before leaning against the archway.

 

“No ramen, I see. I’ve taught you well.”

Even with Naruto’s back turned, Gaara knows he rolled his eyes. “The ramen comes out when the redhead’s outta the house.”

“You know what also comes out?”

“What, you?”

“What? I was going to say heart attack. From the sodium. You know what, never mind, that went terribly.”

Naruto flipped an egg. “I’ll ignore that then. You know, on the topic of coming out I actually got a call from Sakura yesterday who apparently got together with Ino officially after all that jumping around each other thing they were doing…”

 

Gaara closed his eyes, letting Naruto’s voice trail into the background as a mixture of sleepiness and ease lowered his eyelids. He inhaled the warm aroma again and savouring the comfort of another person, possibly the only one that mattered. His closest friend, the feeling of homeliness and belonging that had once been frightening to conceive now an everyday reality…

“…since they’ve pretty much been dating anyway for the longest time they’ve decided to move in together this month, isn’t that amazing? It’s like me and you except- hey, you’re not sleeping whilst standing are you? I didn’t make this completely awesome food just coz I was in a festive mood, okay, it was actually meant to be eaten too!”

 

Gaara slowly opened his eyes. Maybe it was his half-asleep state of mind, but seeing the plate of hot food waiting for him and Naruto moving to put the pans in the sink drew a smile out of him. “Yeah. Thank you.”

Catching a glimpse of Gaara’s expression, Naruto’s eyes widened wondering what could have caused such a rare response. Without thinking, he blurted, “What’s up with you?”

Sliding into the barstool, Gaara raised an eyebrow. “If I felt mentally unstable, I’d tell you.”

“Is that Gaara-speak for ‘I’m offended that you asked?’”

The eggs were over salted. Gaara was pulled out of his daydream-like state. “To answer the question,” He rest his chin on his wrist subconsciously, his eyes just happening to land on the 1.5 meter tall tree that now took up half the living room. “Must be the decorations.”

 

Naruto chuckled, slightly grateful the taste of the eggs was not mentioned. He’d get it better next time. “Yeah.” Taking in Gaara’s bedhead, half-draped blanket and relaxed posture, he found himself staring.

 

“Must be the decorations.”

 

***

 

 

“Two weeks.” Naruto repeated to his friend. “Two weeks until our first Christmas in Australia.”

 

The slight inclination of Gaara’s head was the only sign that he had heard him, his hands unfaltering as he continued to type into his laptop with mild concentration. He could tell from the voice that the blonde was sprawled on the bed, his legs rhythmically kicking the mattress in either excitement or boredom from the lack of attention. Naruto didn’t mind, though. It just made it more interesting when they did have discussions and he would be able to observe every slight change in Gaara’s otherwise blank expression; the hardening of his eyes, the slight pink that dusted his cheeks, his voice as it became more sarcastic but humorous and Naruto can’t help but wanting to hear more…

 

Naruto cleared his throat. “What’ll it be like, do you think? A Christmas in summer instead of winter. I hope it doesn’t get too hot here…” An image of a sweat-glistened Gaara appeared in his mind. Naruto spoke louder. “But I guess that means we won’t be able to have a White Christmas anymore, doesn’t it? Then again, snow’s totally overrated anyway. Just clogs up the walkways and makes a mess of everything.” Naruto sighed, bringing his hands underneath his head. “Instead we’ll be eating ice cream, fighting off mosquitos, probably investing in an aircon to replace the shitty fan that’s dying in the living room…”

The room suddenly seemed too quiet. Naruto realised the typing had drifted into silence?

“Gaara?”

 

Gaara couldn’t pretend he wasn’t paying attention anymore. It’s not like he’d never thought about it; it’s more like he tried to ignore thinking about it. Why was Naruto here instead of having a White Christmas in Tokyo? With Gaara still struggling to finish his double degree and Naruto working as a casual editor for a publishing company, they weren’t exactly living the most comfortable lifestyle in a cramped, two-room apartment. It was already nearing the holiday season and yet the other still hadn’t left, although Gaara was half certain he had only followed him on a whim only to become bored his quiet lifestyle.

 

“When are you going back to Japan?” Gaara asked, his fist instinctively clenching.

Naruto turned his neck to stare at the back of Gaara’s head, noticing how jade-green eyes flickered to his own in the dark reflection of the screen. Disappointment fell like a weight on his chest. Did Gaara only let him come with the expectation that he leave? “And what if I’m not?” Naruto challenged, voice steeled. “What are you going to do about it?”

A breath that Gaara didn’t even know he was holding released through his mouth in a sigh. He wasn’t sure why he felt so relieved, though he admit the present company was enjoyable. Figuring he wouldn’t get any more work done anyway, he pushed his chair away from the table and stood, rolling his shoulders. Without further explanation, he left the room and came back with two small bottles of water. “You water the succulents, I’ll do the cacti.”

 

Naruto blinked at the sudden change of topic. Conversations with Gaara were often bizarre with Gaara forgetting to voice half his thoughts the majority of the time and voicing the rest. But he knew that it wasn’t an attempted eviction. Watching Gaara relax into his gardening hobby, he could tell the matter had been bothering him but he doubted it was a matter of himself being a bother. 

 

The sense of mystery that surrounded Gaara had always been alluring, something drawing him tothe redhead even before they had officially met. The cold, empty gaze that had once looked into Naruto’s own lonely eyes could fool anyone but him, for he knew better than anyone what loneliness really felt like. Then he’d known. They had both been abandoned. They were both ostracised for being, acting, _looking_ different, with Naruto orphaned and scarred with whiskers and Gaara feared for his alter violent personality and insomniatic eyebags. Naruto hadn’t left his side ever since, and Gaara had experienced through a friend what he had never experienced but had heard so many myths and stories about.

 

Happiness.

 

As Naruto listened to footsteps pause and sound around the room, followed by a light trickle that indicated the dry plants were being soothed, he realised that even if he wanted to go back to Japan he probably wouldn’t be able to do it. Who would be there that wouldn’t just take his presence for granted?

 

“Hey Gaara?” Naruto didn’t notice his voice waver slightly.

Gaara did. “Yes?”

He swallowed. “What do you wanna do next Christmas?”

Humming noncommittally simply to fill the silence at the sound of Naruto’s nervousness, whatever thoughts was plaguing him, he pondered a while before answering, “Whatever you’d like.” Gaara heard, rather than saw, the smile breaking on the other’s face. 

“Loiter around in shopping malls to look at the decorations? Take a picture with whichever poor old guy is being forced to dress up as Santa?” He grinned wider. “Donate a hundred dollars to every charity house, homeless organisation and orphanage in the city?”

Gaara moved to water the succulents on the desk. “A hundred is pushing it and you know it.”

“Fifty?”

“Sure, if you want to live without electricity and light for a couple months.”

“A couple dollars?”

“That can be arranged.”

 

Naruto felt the space next to him dip substantially as Gaara lie on his back beside him. Their fingers brushed, but neither could bother to move their hands away. _This is real_ , Naruto thought. “I think that’d be a lot better than any present I could get. It’s worth something, no matter how little, how small.”

“People out there need it more than we do.” Gaara mused in agreement. “Wanna do that this year then? Instead of giving each other mindless obligatory presents to celebrate the saint of a religion that we don’t even believe in?”

Naruto grinned widely. “Sounds like a game plan.”

 

Feeling as if he were being observed, Naruto turned his eyes to find Gaara steadily returning his gaze. Even though Gaara wasn’t outright smiling, Naruto could read the glow of excitement in his pale green eyes that might otherwise seem threatening to others. But Naruto knew his friend and gave his hand a quick squeeze to show he returned the emotion. He could’ve sworn the corner of Gaara’s mouth quirked upwards for a second.

 

“Looking forward to it.”

 

***

 

Gaara woke up straining for breath, perspiration tingling on his skin and most of all, uncomfortably _moist_. He felt as if he were festering in an oven, his forehead especially burning and muscles stiff. Fighting the urge to throw something he for his phone with the other, he saw it was barely after 3:30am and- were they joking? There was no way it could be 25 degrees celsius - 77 degrees fahrenheit - this damned early in the morning. 

 

An uncomfortable intake of damp, humid air. The growing scent of male body odour. A new layer of sweat pricking into his pores.

 

He got up and dragged his futon.

 

The living room had a fan. The only fan in the apartment but still, a fan. It was no surprise to see Naruto already sprawled on the leather sofa, one leg dangling off and a hand threaded in his sweat-matted hair. His electric blue eyes were staring at the faint traces of moonlight flickering through the blinds. The occasional car lit the room with flashes of white. Naruto didn’t even wince.

 

At the sound of footsteps, he tilted his neck. “Can’t sleep?” the blonde offered.

Every step seemed to bleed energy painfully from his body. He felt his irritation rise, digging his nails into his palm. He just wanted to rest. “No shit.” His voice came out sharper than expected.

Naruto gave a wail of protest, thrashing his legs against the couch. “Everywhere _aches_.” he complained. “And I’m sweating and I smell and that fan ain’t doing anything for shit besides circulating stale air.”

“Well we can’t open the windows so deal with it.” Gaara muttered, settling the futon on the space on the floor in front of the couch. 

“I know.” He shift again. “Fuck Australia and its goddamned plagues.”

“They’re just mosquitos.” With the futon positioned, Gaara fell onto the mattress with a grunt _._ Then blood flooded to his head, shooting another wave of heat to his ears and he regretted it immensely. “And flies and spiders and ants and roaches and crickets and rodents and-”

“Gaara!”

 

An elongated car horn shrieked into the distance. Momentary silence passed after, before Naruto restlessly tossed and turned, the sound of his damp skin constantly pealing off the leather skin of the sofa snapping Gaara from any attempts to rest. Before he could verbally retaliate, the blonde groaned loudly, “It’s too fucking hot here, I swear!”

“Oh really? _I didn’t notice._ ” Gaara snapped. “Go to sleep!”

“Maybe it’s just hot because I’m here.” Naruto mused.

“Shut up Uzumaki.”

 

The blonde let out an exasperated breath before settling on his back once again and flickering his eyes closed. He could imagine a fence in the middle of a paddock with white sheep on one side and black sheep on the other. _One_ , he forced himself to count. A black sheep jumped to the white side. _Two._ A white jumped to join the black. _Clink!_ …A black sheep headbutt the fence? _Clink! Clink!_

 

A sharp voice jolted Naruto out of his phase. “Tell your goldfish to stop banging its head on the glass or you’ll be eating it for breakfast.”

“It’s not mine, it’s yours.” came the automatic response. An elongated groan of exasperation followed.

“You named it!”

“Fine! Kurama, shut up,”

Gaara opened one eye begrudgingly. He could barely make out the outline of the red goldfish energetically swimming back and forth in the glass bowl, hitting his head on the glass as if it were an enjoyable recreational activity. 

 

He remembered when Naruto first gave him the fish. It was the first and last time Gaara had woken up in a hospital from his father’s violent tendencies which had gone from inflicting pain to attempted murder. Naruto had been the first friend to visit him whilst he was hospitalised, eventually realising how lonely the other was even though Gaara never said so, and presented him with glory and might, a fishbowl. Named Kurama by Naruto and given formally to Gaara to own, it was always a debate who the pet officially belonged to and where cleaning duties would be delegated.

 

As Gaara relaxed into memories, the heat didn’t seem as uncomfortable anymore. The air seemed cooler, leaving a more pleasant sensation against his skin. He wondered how much time had passed, letting out a yawn. It was contagious.

 

Naruto could feel his eyes slowly lidding close. He asked softly, “Do you want me to open the blinds? ‘Coz you know…nightlight.”

Gaara faintly realised the lack of melting candle wax scent he usually fell asleep to. Then brushed it off, his mind too tired to panic. “Well you’re here aren’t you?” he yawned, his voice fading into a sleepy murmur. He could feel the pull towards his drowsiness getting stronger and yearned to fall into the peaceful abyss that was sleep.

 

Naruto didn’t know how to respond. That was a compliment, wasn’t it? That would explain fluttering in his stomach, his sudden lack of breath. Compliments were supposed to make people happy, weren’t they? Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice Gaara had fallen asleep until his breath had noticeably evened, filling the silence of the apartment. Finally, he took a deep breath. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I’m here.”

 

Watching the steady fall and rise of Gaara’s stomach and his strangely peaceful expression that starkly contrasted his usual lack of emotion, Naruto eventually fell asleep. 

 

***

 

Gaara re-entered the room with scissors, taking one look at Naruto and remarking frustratedly, “Can you stop that? You’ll die of early heart failure.”

Naruto popped another Advent chocolate from the calendar into his mouth. “Can I, or may I?”

“You’re so annoying.” Gaara hissed.

Naruto purposefully showed off his stained teeth. “Do you want one?”

Gaara glared menacingly. “Does it sound like I want one?”

“They’re not _that_ bad.” Naruto chuckled. “If we’re talking about a healthy scale, instant ramen is way worse.”

“Then why do you always insist on eating it?” Gaara demanded.

“I never said I cared about my health.”

Gaara grimaced, “You have issues.”

“Like you don’t.” he joked. Gaara didn’t have a comeback for that so just joined his friend on the floor and begun sorting the presents for wrapping and shipping.

 

He’d finished covering a new traditional fan for his sister and puppetry materials for his brother before he noticed Naruto trying to wrap a particularly shaped present. Gaara narrowed his eyes; it was no mistake. It was a red heart-shaped cushion. “Who’s that one for?” he asked curiously.

“Hmm?” Naruto didn’t look up, still trying to figure out how much wrapping paper to use. “Oh, this? It’s for Sasuke.”

Gaara momentarily forgot he was holding the tape dispenser until it clattered noisily on the floor. There was an uncomfortable feeling of a pit hollowing into his stomach, but it was obviously just from shock. He knew the Uchiha and Naruto had been close friends at some stage, so why did it come off as a surprise? Moreover, why didn’t he know about this? It’s not like it mattered what gender Naruto was into, so why was a sheen of sweat growing on his palm like a second skin?

 

Naruto looked up at his friend’s empty gaze. “Can you pass the tape?”

The carpet under Gaara’s legs rubbed against his skin like sandpaper as he leaned forward to pass the tape, but still his voice couldn’t reach his throat. It shouldn’t be disturbing him this much and besides, he never knew Sasuke was the kind of person to appreciate those kinds of gifts…he pursed his lips. “Does he know?”

The paper gave a small rip under Naruto ministrations and he sighed, reaching for the scissors to start over. “Know what?”

“That you’re in love with him.”

 

Gaara barely dodged the scissors in time as it went flying hazardously in his direction, flinging accidentally from the blonde’s hand as it jolted. Naruto gaped a couple of times, looking at his friend’s completely serious expression. He couldn’t even find it in himself to blush. “Wh-Where did that come from?!” he exclaimed, horrified.

“Well you don’t usually give someone a love cushion unless you have intentions!” Gaara argued.

“Wha-! _Love cushion?!_ ”

Gaara rolled his eyes. “Heart-shaped pillow, same thing.” He watched as the other’s eyes drifted from the present to Gaara and back again, eyes wide. 

Tying to match his conclusion, Naruto dubiously questioned, “It’s a heart?”

“What the fuck did you think it was?” Gaara snapped.

 

“I thought it was a tomato!” Naruto quickly defended, reddening. “And Sasuke loves tomatoes and I didn’t know what to give him because he’s so emotionally constipated and doesn’t reveal himself to anyone besides Itachi but I still had to give him something because he’s my friend so I saw the pillow and I thought-!”

A noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort came from Gaara’s direction, who quickly hid his mouth behind his hand. Watching Gaara amused by his own predicament, Naruto couldn’t help his own embarrassed smile forming on his face. It always fascinated him when Gaara outwardly expressed his happiness. He wished Gaara didn’t feel as if it was an expectation to suppress it.

 

Holding up the pillow to eye level, Naruto prodded his friend, who was still trying to stifle his laughter, with his foot. “Hey, does this really look like a heart?” he asked with a dubious tone.

Gaara snorted, “Well it sure doesn’t look like a tomato.”

Naruto stared at the pillow for a little longer before sighing. “Then you can have it.” Naruto threw the item into Gaara’s lap.

Gaara tossed it in the air, giving it a squeeze only to find it surprisingly soft, before tilting his head. “Are you sure?”

The other flinched defensively. “I-I’m not giving Sasuke that pillow! That’d just be so…so awkward, you know? I don’t even want to think about what would happen. Not only would Itachi kill me but I would never be able to look Sasuke in the eye again!”

“But it’s alright if it’s me, is it?” Gaara couldn’t help but prod.

 

“Well,” Naruto played with the discards of red string on the floor. “I trust you more to not make a big deal out of it?”

_A mundane answer,_ Gaara mused. “That’s reassuring.”

“I mean…me and Sasuke have been pretty distant even before I moved, and you have a less threatening aura I guess?”

“That stings my masculinity.”

Naruto stood abruptly. “If you think about it too hard you’ll grow white hairs and die!” he said loudly, grabbing Sakura’s present before sitting down and noisily cutting more wrapping paper. Gaara observed for a while, allowing himself to smirk before doing the same.

 

After that day, Naruto found it hard to walk into Gaara’s room when the first thing he saw would be the bright red cushion sitting on top of their futon. Even though he knew Gaara probably didn’t sleep with it and just put it there to embarrass him, he couldn’t help but feel blood rushing to his cheeks every time he caught a glimpse.

 

***

 

When Gaara woke up to an uncomfortable warm breath against his cheek, the first thing he saw was two bright blue eyes shining downwards into his own.

Gaara’s voice was flat. “Naruto.”

“Guess what?” the blonde replied, ignoring him. Gaara felt an urge to bring his knee upwards just to wipe the smug look off the other’s face (whose tan was glowing in the light of dawn seeping through the drawn curtains, not that Gaara cared) and regain his circle of personal space, but decided otherwise out of lack of energy.

“What?” he sighed.

A large, uncontrollable grin broke out onto Naruto’s face as if he’d been forcefully holding it back for the suspense. Jumping upwards and heaving Gaara up into a bear hug, he all but shouted at the top of his lungs, “It's Christmas Eve!” 

 

Gaara felt himself being released from his grasp only to be violently shaken by the shoulders as Naruto gushed in an excited tone, “Oh my gosh, we gotta put carrots on the sill for the reindeers and bake chocolate-chip cookies for Santa then eat them ourselves because fuck the imaginary fat man- oh wait don’t actually do that, and then we’re gonna give out candy canes to the kids we’re visiting and watch fireworks on TV because who can be actually be bothered to go all the way to the harbour-”

Gaara ripped himself from his grasp, grabbing Naruto’s hands firmly. “Naruto.” He tightened his grip, repressing the need to violently throttle someone. “ _Shut up_.”

Naruto beamed. “That’s the spirit! 

 

True to his word, they made their way to the shopping centre afterwards to buy candy canes, Gaara muttering something about ‘seasonal inflation’ yet, as Naruto noticed, kept silent as they paid the cashier. The atmosphere was stunning. Forest-green was captured everywhere, from the wreaths to the pine, and gold was an emphasised colour through the bow-tie ribbons, bells and reindeer statues glorifying the season. Hundreds of families and t-shirt clad residents hurried from shop to shop in hopes of exploiting every sale each retail had to offer, some instead choosing to stop and stare in awe at the impressive tree and bauble decor that littered every corner of the mall. 

 

Although he’d seen it in the month leading up, Naruto could’ve sworn there were more stores playing carols through the speakers, more oversized porcelain snowflakes hanging precariously on tinsel covered string. A mixed aroma of cheese and freshly cooked meats lingered in the air as taste-testing tables were scattered throughout the levels, taking advantage of the celebration that drew even the most sheltered people out of their homes. His heart swelled, pulling Gaara with him to sightsee before they left to catch transit. 

 

The fifth time Gaara repeated that they were behind schedule, Naruto reluctantly exited the mall only to take interest in every little festive decor they saw whilst on transit.

 

“Hey hey, look at that inflatable snowman and nutcracker on their porch.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Ooh, and that Church is all lit up like a tree!”

“So are you.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh, over there in that square there’s a huge-ass crowd of people that even I can see from here and…”

“…”

“…Sorry.” Naruto apologised. “I’m annoying you, aren’t I?”

 

_Shit._ “No.”

“Nah it’s alright, I’ll be quiet now.”

“I know I’m killing your fun so just ignore me.” _Sorry._

Naruto shook his head. “I’m kinda tired of commentating on everything anyway.” he admitted. “Sitting in silence is totally a thing I can do.”

“You don’t have to accomodate me all the time.” Gaara said, slightly exasperated. “Be selfish sometimes. Don’t let me ruin your fun.”

“But you’re not! Besides, you being here is selfish enough of me.”

Gaara scoffed.

“Was that too cheesy?”

“Just a tad.” Gaara ignored the temptation to just grab the other’s hand and hold it for as long as he could.

 

The sun had completely set as they headed towards the last destination. Gaara stood back as Naruto talked with the receptionist, who was for some reason giggling at his words. The redhead rolled his eyes, walking up to the desk and seeing the worker visibly gulp as his eyes landed on him. 

 

“A-Actually sirs,” the middle-aged lady interrupted Naruto’s joke with a small cough. “You can just go right on ahead. Double doors right at the end of the hallway.”

The blonde tilted his head, pointing at the transparent glass paperweight on the counter with an posed ice-skater inside. “But you didn’t get to hear the difference between snowmen and snowladies.”

“What?”

“Snowballs.”

Naruto didn’t complain when his friend all but dragged him away.

 

When they opened the doors, a dozen heads whipped towards the direction of their visitors. Rare to have outside company and even rarer during a seasonal holiday, the children, save for a couple, all but started squealing and running towards the two men. Gaara’s pulse immediately picked up, his mouth going dry and feet frozen as Naruto quickly knelt down and cheerfully greeted them. Unconsciously, Gaara felt himself gravitating to the corner, observing with keen interest.

 

“Who’re you?” a girl with brown frizzy hair demanded with an unflinching laser gaze. 

_Is she talking to me?_ Gaara analysed. _Do I kneel? How do I respond?_ Opening his mouth to speak, he closed it with a sudden thought. _What if I scare her off?_

Naruto saw a flash of uncertainty in Gaara’s eyes at the unexpected confrontation and quickly chimed, “He’s my little helper!”

“Since when was I your-” Gaara demanded, before stopping midway. Then thought the better of it and with slight awkwardness, nodded.

 

Several more interrogations, board games and even more candy canes later, almost all the children had abandoned the blonde to prod and forcefully cuddle the other man with glee instead. The redhead didn’t understand the relief that coursed through him. _They’re not scared,_ he thought. _They’re smiling._ It was hard not to mirror their expressions when they looked at him with teeth showing and eyes shining, like they actually cared and enjoyed the fact he was here. Beginning to feel spirited for once since they arrived, he ran up to a girl sitting in the corner and tapped her shoulder. He smiled. “Catch me.”

 

Naruto didn’t know he’d been holding his breath, watching Gaara affiliate with the younger generations and instinctively ready to rescue him if he was uncomfortable. Then one minute turned into two minutes and two minutes into half an hour and he realised Gaara didn’t need his rescuing at all. He joined in the chase.

 

Nightfall slowly loomed against the blinds. They played simple drawing games and puzzles for a while, before the younger ones began to display signs of tiredness and boredom, finding it much more energy-efficient to find out instead how many of them it took to climb onto Gaara’s lap before he gave in. 

 

“Why aren’t they fussing over you instead?” Gaara murmured, patting the head of the same frizzy-haired girl who’d beamed when he offered to fix the crooked ribbon in her hair. She somehow managed to topple the tower of three kids that had perched on his lap, happily settling in the middle of his legs for maximum affection.

Naruto stopped the game of peek-a-boo with a toddler to smile innocently at his friend. “You’re really asking?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that inside you’re just a big, fluffy teddy bear.” he grinned. “And the kids know it.”

“Wha- _I am not._ ”

“They broke through your defence of ‘threatening aura’. Nothing to be ashamed about, though. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“Shut-!” Big, hazel eyes peered up at Gaara from his lap, causing his words to stumble. “S-Shush up.”

Naruto laughed. “Cute.”

A flush of red painted the Gaara’s ears and he coaxed the girl off before standing up, claiming it to be getting dark and that they should head home soon.

 

“You don’t have to hide it.” Naruto cooed after they’d waved their goodbyes and left the building, the fairy-light tree illuminations allowing him to notice how Gaara’s face was still red at his last remark. “You _like_ kids and guess what? So do I!”

“What joy is there in sharing something in common with you?” Gaara grumbled begrudgingly.

Naruto looked offended. “Are you kidding? Besides all the childhood shit we went through, we live together, raise a goldfish together-”

“That’s just you.”

“-shop together, are currently sharing Christmas Eve together, and now we even like kids together! We’re practically _soulmates_.”

 

Gaara gaped. For a moment, he could hear nothing but the blood rushing in his ears and the voice in his mind telling him _he doesn’t mean it that way,_ even though it didn't make it any less awkward. He was too absorbed to notice the rush of pink that rose to the blonde’s cheeks as soon as the words had left his mouth, mentally cursing himself for taking the joke too far.

 

In an attempt to lose his thoughts, Gaara walked faster through the commotion of people they had began to merge into as they got closer to the station. _Stop thinking about it stop thinking about it stop thinking-_

 

_Why did I say that?!_ Naruto inwardly screamed. _It’s so awkward now, I’m sure he took to the wrong way I mean, not that I don’t think we’re soulmates because I seriously think we may as well be with how we’re always together but he might not think that way and it’s so awkward because I stretched the platonic relationship and-_ “Ah-!” Realising he could only barely see the outline of his friend’s back getting lost in the swarm of bodies in front of him, Naruto broke out of his trance and reached to grab the end of Gaara’s sleeve instinctively. _Oh my gosh did I just-_ Cue automatic brain speech of self-regret and embarrassment.

 

Gaara felt the weak tug from behind and sighed, cursing himself for almost getting carried away before twisting his wrist to firmly grab Naruto’s hand and yank him forward. The blonde yelped which caught the vague attention of passersby, Naruto fighting the urge to simply bury himself alive out of sheer embarrassment. His face felt hotter than ever. He blamed it on the Australian summers.

 

Flickering his glance towards Gaara, he was almost taken aback by the sheer neutrality that the redhead’s expression rested on. If anything, he looked thoughtful, his eyes distantly remaining unfocused. As they went lower into the station, the echo of multitudes voices singing in cheery unison grew louder. The string accompaniment was slightly out of time with the choir, yet the small audience sang along nonetheless. Finally, Naruto’s heart began to settle. _Don’t overthink_ , he reminded himself. _Stop overthinking it._

 

Once again trying to evaluate the expression on Gaara’s face, the blonde realised something with a shock. Their heights were almost shoulder to shoulder but Gaara was a few centimetres, maybe even less, taller. He could’ve sworn they were the same height at some stage, and here he’d actually been looking up to the redhead the whole time. Naruto couldn’t help but groan in exasperation.

Gaara furrowed his brows. “What?”

Naruto looked up towards the ceiling. Someone had strung branches of mistletoe and red ribbon all along the pipes. Naturally, he began to swing their interlocked hands. “We forgot to make the cookies.”

 

Unperturbed, the redhead shrugged. “There’s a convenience store near the station we’re going to get off. We’ll just buy pre-made biscuits there.”

“If we’re going to the store, we might as well get cup ramen instead.”

“You’re just intent on ruining my Christmas aren’t you?” Before Naruto could even pout, Gaara lightly cuffed the back of his head. “Kidding. You’ll get your ramen but don’t complain if the sofa crease gets bigger afterwards.”

Naruto mocked hurt. “Are you insinuating I’m fat?”

“I’m insinuating that the train comes in one minute and if you don’t hurry, we’re going to miss it.”

 

When they were finally in the train, Naruto’s mind caught up with reality. He was still holding Gaara’s hand. It was frightening, how natural their palms fit together. It was even more so when he found himself wondering why they had never done it before despite being so close, engraving the intense sensations of companionship and contentedness into his mind. He didn’t dare look at his friend in case the intimacy was just all in his head, and his alone. Just pretending for these sweet, short moments was enough for him.

 

***

 

With a sigh, Gaara savoured the last bit of air-conditioning before the sliding doors opened and a wave of dense, muggy air hit them mockingly. He stepped aside, Naruto following foot, checking his phone briefly. “It’s going to be another 20 minutes before our next train comes. Probably delayed by the crowd.” He gave another sigh, returning his phone to his pocket. “We might as well wait here. The station’s only down the road and it’s stuffier down there anyway.”

“Sure.”

 

Buses drove noisily by. Heels clomped against the concrete every few minutes. Despite the distracting sounds and mindless chatter that surrounded him, Gaara couldn’t help but glance, at Naruto’s hand buried in his pocket, then at his his own, hanging tense by his side. Suddenly he could feel his own palpitations in his fingertips, anticipation dry on his tongue. He’d felt the strange feeling before. Maybe it was because of what happened earlier or the atmosphere that surrounded him, but his conscious was nagging him to confront it. Like all the other times, he couldn’t just pretend it wasn’t there. He knew what it was; that just made it all the more frightening.

 

He took a deep breath, masking his expression into that of nonchalance. He couldn’t get too worked up - not now. He had to stop overthinking, stop analysing and stop brushing the emotion away every time it arises, even though recently it felt as if it had never left. It was always there, haunting him, taunting him reminding himself that every day that passed would only mean another day of heart-pulsing moments and regret. He willed himself to draw the anxiety out of his tense body, silently clearing his throat. Leaning onto the wall behind him and looking at his fingernails he managed to ask casually, “Do you want to date?”

 

A half-choking sound came out of Naruto’s throat and he whipped his head around in disbelief. But the other’s relaxed stance gave away nothing. “W-What?” he stammered, unsure whether he should be flattered or if the other meant it at all.

“You heard me.” Gaara muttered, kicking a pebble.

“But-"  _Was he serious?_ _Was I too obvious? Is that what it is then, pity? A fleeing whim?_ If he was taking this the wrong way, he didn’t know if he could stay with Gaara any longer after this. Bordering his actions at friendship would be too cruel. He could allow himself to dream but he wouldn’t dare allow himself to consider that the other enjoyed his presence as much as he did. Enjoyed it so much they want to get closer, know every part of them, every little thing that makes them who they are because if this was love then Naruto was falling hard. ”But _why?_ ”

 

He watched as Gaara let out a breath, tilting his head to face the sky. With a pang of guilt, Naruto couldn’t help but notice how lonely the other looked, hands tucked close to his body and eyes unfocused. Should…should he have ever doubted his friend to joke such a serious matter? Gaara stayed like that for a while before he decided to respond, “I know that I don’t want to ever leave your side.” Gaara inwardly cringed at how bad that sounded out loud, but at least he’d gotten it out. “Isn’t that enough of a reason?” His voice neared a plea.

 

“What about how I feel then?” Naruto asked quietly.

“How would I know how you feel?”

“Then what did you think I’d say?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t even thinking, okay?” The throbbing in his chest was bordering intolerable. Gaara just wanted to end this and go home. “If you want to pretend I didn’t ask,” he forced himself to level his voice. “I don’t care. I just thought I may as well try.”

 

“No! No, I mean,” Naruto bit his lip. How was he supposed to go from there? “Going out would be nice- I mean good, really good.” All of a sudden, he could think, and the clarity relieved him. “But you know me. If it’s not going to be serious, I don’t think-”

“I am serious.” Gaara cut in, an edge of desperation in his tone. “You don’t understand what you do to me sometimes. Sometimes being near you just…it makes me numb because I can’t comprehend the way you make me feel.” He knew he was going to regret this the next day. Which just so happened to be Christmas Day. What a nightmare.

“Then tell me.” Naruto pleaded. Some closure, anything, that would stop making him feel guilty every time he pretended what it would be like if Gaara had been a lover and not a friend.

 

_Don’t think, don’t think,_ Gaara silently willed. _Just…feel?_ For a moment, he let himself be engulfed by the warmth triggered by recent memories; the constant comfort of a friend who understood him like no other person ever had, the red cushion he sometimes found himself holding at night with the silent dread that one day Naruto might disappear from his side, how Naruto always seemed to be there before Gaara could realise he was gone. Despite being completely content with keeping it to himself, he logically acknowledged it was Naruto he was talking to and that meant sometimes sacrificing himself no matter what the expense.

 

“You make me feel needed.” Gaara mentally winced. _That sounded terrible._ “Even back in Japan, when you were surrounded by so many people and friends you always came back to me. I was never overly welcoming, but you were the first person to consider me a friend. You didn’t mind what people said about my family, about me, because you suffered as I did and you cried for me and understood my pain.” 

“And…?” Naruto pressed.

Something in Gaara snapped. “And I want to stay with you forever goddamn it, because I like you!”

“Eh, just _like_?!” the blonde whined. “That’s not fair! In situations like this you’re supposed to say _love_!”

“In situations like this you’re supposed to read between the lines and not make the other person spell it out!”

Naruto let out a huff of laughter, pulling gently on Gaara’s collar and stepping closer so that their shirts barely touched. “In situations like this we’re supposed to kiss now, right?”

 

Gaara stared intensely into Naruto’s eyes until the blonde was the one reddening at the neck and fighting the urge to take a step back. Gaara found himself regaining a margin of confidence, taunting, “That depends. You already know how I feel so you should be the one to initiate the kiss. It’s a give-give relationship after all.” He hesitated, watching the other grow more flustered. “Unless you were bluffing. Because then-”

 

A warm hand cupping the side of his face was the only warning he received before a pair of lips pressed against his own. Gaara felt his body turn cold at the touch, yet couldn’t help but give a small sigh at the sensation. A shiver spiked down Naruto’s spine and he shuddered, bringing his other hand around the other’s back for more leverage as he kissed Gaara again, more firmly. Gaara's mind was a mess of emotions; panic, shock, fear; but most of all _longing,_ as he tightened his grip on Naruto’s arm and was rewarded with an almost feverish response he received against his mouth. They barely noticed the echoing gong that resonated twelve times and the chorus of celebrant yells that followed, too absorbed in the enthralling scent of the other, how it felt to finally be able to touch them so intimately and knowing no-one else would feel the same.

 

Then with cold realisation, Naruto became conscious of how emotionally bare he was in front of Gaara, how the adrenaline had pushed him without understanding how much trust he was placing in Gaara’s bare hands. Gaara noticed the fraction of hesitation, pulling himself back and assessing the blank look in Naruto’s face. “Are you sure-” Gaara croaked, before a flash of determination appeared on Naruto’s face at his words and Gaara found himself getting kissed again, his mind finally sane enough to begin actively blueprinting the moment into his mind to treasure for the rest of his life. Afraid Gaara would disappear under his touch and that it was all a dream, Naruto slid his hand into Gaara’s hair, feeling his insides melt a little at the soft texture. The feeling was intoxicating. 

 

Just as he moved his hand lower to pull Gaara closer, a yelp from behind them startled the two. Naruto opened his eyes just in time to see a short teenager run back around the corner they had turned from and as heat rose to his face, he remembered where they were. Feeling himself get pushed away, he opened his mouth to apologise only to be interrupted Gaara grabbing his hand once again and with a smirk, he gently kissed Naruto's knuckles.

 

“I-” Naruto spoke, flustered. “I…”

With a flutter of hope, Gaara gave Naruto’s hand an encouraging squeeze but the other could hardly feel it, too intrigued by the raw intensity of yearning and desire unknowingly reflected in Gaara’s eyes.

Naruto took an intake of breath. “Whether you’re in Australia or Japan or even the afterlife,” he said, his voice unfaltering. “I’ll follow you to the ends of the world.”

Gaara gave a soft blink, bringing his head forward so that their foreheads touched as he whispered, “Then that’s the best answer I could ask for, isn’t it?”

A wide grin spread on Naruto’s face and he tilted his head to give the other an eskimo kiss. “You bet.”

 

Making their way to the station with a sense of ease neither had felt for a long time, Naruto interlocked their fingers with Gaara giving a playful nudge in return. The future had never looked more promising.

**Author's Note:**

> ...*cringes*


End file.
